Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Rules for Dating by Lacie and Miss Enid......

Miss Enid Wheelie

Now, now...Quiet, please....yes...I know many of you wished to sign up for the

class that Scruffy and Stan were runnin' here last weekend...Well...no worries....they had a stoopid poker pawty instead so I rescheduled it...oh my...what a turnout we had...so many of you came...boyz and girlies....(it's VERY IMPORTANT for girlies, also to understand what is considered PROPER EAT A CAT....)

For this reason, I did engage a guest speaker...yes...Eric Square Dog's very own MISS ENID.

She is the world's leading authority on Eat A Cat and was happy to provide a list of proper behaviors for both sexes.....

A Lady

Never tolerates or performs rudeness, crudeness, indifference or ignorance from or to another human being.

Always cultivates a positive attitude.

Never chews gum in public.

Never fixes her appearance (hair or make-up) in public.

Remembers; to discuss the price of anything is never in good taste.

Does not gossip.

Accepts and gives compliments graciously.

Never holds private conversations in public gatherings.

Never uses slang or bad language.

Always looks for ways to better herself; spiritually, physically and intellectually.

Thinks before she speaks, once said, never forgotten.

Ladies shall never embrace and kiss when they meet in a public place.

Has at least one reference manual regarding etiquette protocol.

A Gentleman

A gentleman is defined as: A man of gentle birth, one entitled to bear arms, though not noble; A man of chivalrous instinct and fine feelings.

It is still expected that a gentleman stand up the first time
a lady enters a room or takes her final leave.

It is considered chivalrous to open a door for a lady if he happens to be in reasonable proximity.

Should never remove his coat while standing, sitting, riding, or walking with a lady.

Shall never ask a lady to dance if he has his coat removed.

Shall lift his hat and say Excuse Me when he brushes against a lady on the street.

Should always walk on the outside when walking with one or more ladies.

Shall not hold a ladies arm, except when support is needed.

Shall remove his hat while talking to a lady.

When a gentleman is seated in a restaurant and a lady acquaintance enters and bows the gentleman should return the bow while he remains seated, if the lady stops at his table the gentleman shall rise and remain standing till she departs.
With apologies to Norman Rockwell

Here are a few more suggestions from Miss Enid:

The following actions were considered extremely rude in the presence of company:

crossing the legs

adjusting your hair

winking your eyes
laughing immoderately

beating time with your feet and hands

rubbing your face or hands

shrugging up your shoulders

placing your hand upon the person with whom you are conversing

looking steadily at one

Victorian Courtship

Victorian dates were almost always supervised in some way. A woman was never to go anywhere alone with a gentleman without her mother's permission.

A woman was never to go out with a gentleman late at night. In fact, it was considered extremely impolite for a gentleman to stay late at a woman's home.

A woman was allowed some liberties, however. She could flirt with her fan, as this behavior was within the protocol of accepted behavior.

A single woman never addressed a gentleman without an introduction.

A single woman never walked alone. Her chaperone was older and preferably married.

If she had progressed to the stage of courtship in which she walked out with a gentleman, they always walked apart. A gentleman could offer his hand over rough spots, the only contact he was allowed with a woman who was not his fiancée.

Proper women never rode alone in a closed carriage with a man who wasn't a relative.

She would never call upon an unmarried gentleman at his place of residence.

She couldn't receive a man at home if she was alone. Another family member had to be present in the room.

A gentlewoman never looked back after anyone in the street, or turned to stare at others at church, the opera, etc.

No impure conversations were held in front of single women.

No sexual contact was allowed before marriage. Innocence was demanded by men from girls in his class, and most especially from his future wife.

Intelligence was not encouraged, nor was any interest in politics.

(The above were referenced from here. A fab website...)

Ok....this post is long enuff....I just have a few rules of my own....by the way I respectfully object to that intelligence comment...not to mention a few of the others....!!!

Kay, Boyz....READY?
Lacie's Rules of EAT A CAT for Boyz:

1. Allow the girlie to drink from the waterbowl first.
2. Girlies get the first choice of stuffies or bones.
3. Always allow the girlie to run out the door first.
4. Girls get prime seating in the family room...and first choice of the hooman's lap if desired.
5. Boyz get shots first at the vets.
6. On a cold walk, have some consideration for us girlies and don't pee on EVERYTHING.
7. DO NOT pee on our heads or anyplace else when leg lifting. That golden shower is soooo disgusting.
8. Put the seat down.
9. Watch the temperature of your nose when greeting me. Sheeschsch.
10. Remember...we girls are ALWAYS RIGHT.

Girls...please feel free to add your own rules in the comment section.

Boyz...feel free to read them....




Eric said...




Jake of Florida said...

It just so happens that there is a fabulous Norman Rockwell exhibition right her in River City -- well, kinda' we're on the river, but not that river -- right here in Fort Lauderdale. One of our dog walking buddies' dad is the director of communications at the museum and we are going to ask him to be sure everyone who visits the museum sees the real painting with Eric's head on it. Not that false rendering in the CAT A LOG!

As for all those rules - you suggested that the Boyz read it -- well, we are definitely The Boyz -- and we think it's a lot of Ma Lark Key.

Them golden showers -- do yoi know what the price of gold is on today's market? Twelve hundred US smackeroos!!! Thank your lucky stars for every drop!!!

Wirey love from


Gus said...

Ahem...as the gentleman who sustained what may have been a record relationship with a furever furfriend (my bootiful Miss Snickers) Here are some tips.

Let her mama brush you.

Don't always try to be in front on walkies

Never go to bed angry

Cherish her like a tasty bone.


Mack and Sally Ann said...

I very much thought the rules were great to show those boys how to date. But, I do have one concern.I am most bothered, as I am a welsh terrier;and, I wanted to ask you(you do seem to be the terrier social secretary) if I could come to the next terrier function. I am the same size as the fox terriers, I weight the same, I get along will all doggies, and I love pink things, i.e. spa things and pink dresses.

You might want to add one rule, boys shouldn't think that we girls will do married dogs things with them. They always try to do the married dog thing, and I don't like that.
Sally Ann

Agatha and Archie said...

HA HA HA that was ERIC'S head???HOOOO boy a good one..... I for one particualrily like the one about NOT PEEING ON YOUR SISTERS HEAD ARCHIE...geesh....and Gussies line "to cherish her like a bone" made PL2 leak a little( geesh again) INTERESTING htat Miss Enid STEPPED OUT FOR ONE MINUTE isn't it...DID SHE SEE ANY OTHER WHEELIES WHILE SHE WAS OUT??? just wondering A+A

Agatha and Archie said...

Here's one for the boys.....Stay clear of your sister, I mean girlie, when she is all snarly and stuff because it never ends well.... And also let her down the stairs first or she will bite your hind legs.... oh and also DO NOT I repeat DO NOT on any whim or fancy ENTER HER BOMB SHELTER.. Love ARchie

TwoSpecialWires said...

Well. My confidence is increasing with the help of my knowledgeable friends. I'm drafting an invitation to Sally even as I paw this out. I just hope she accepts my invitation and that I don't say something stoopid or, worse, DO something I might regret.

Let me just ask about a couple of things I'm not quite sure about. I might have dozed through this in class. Is it true that a Gentleman:

1. Must always allow a lady to sniff first. (Is sniffing permissible?)

2. Must never growl (unless she seems to like it - then it's okay)

3. May use his own discretion when choosing styles for peeing. Specifically, he may lift his leg OR he may squat. And not be judged or teased. (Please please say that is true.)

Oh. Dear. Why must I be so shy????

Jake (of Jake and Fergi - not that there'd be any confusion)

Pee esS. I'm even more broke after that poker game. I hope Sally understands.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

If woo are double dating with The Beast and the poor pup she's snokhkered, bring ear plugs fur your date, her date, and yourself -


TwoSpecialWires said...

Lacie. Is there something unusual about me that totally agrees with Miss Enid's rules of Eat A Cat? (Well, yours too. But you know I'm a bit reserved.) I'm I interminably bogged down in old-fashioned ideas of dating and relationships? Oh, how I hope Butchy (and Farfel, if I ever hear from him again) understand my ways and preferences, and that they don't assume all the ideas of the new generation. I don't think they will.

Like Jakey, I have a couple of questions. I just don't want to do or say anything wrong.

Is it true that a lady may freely hold her tail up or tuck it down, at her own discretion? I'm practicing tail elevation, and mousse, gel and those giant orange juice cans seem to be helping, but when I'm really nervous, down it goes. Is that to be regarded as a fault? (You can be honest, GF.)

And, once physical contact is permissible, when lying down, is it reasonable to rest my head, I mean may a lady rest her head on his bottom? Like a pillow, of course. It's so comfortable (not that I've ever done it) but I've never heard anyone talk about it. It seems very innocent, but I just want to be proper.

Thank you so much for your guidance. Yours AND Miss Enid's. One day perhaps I make it to a Coming Out Party. The débutante form, of course.


Mango said...

Well, it seems you left out the rule which I am demonstrating most artfully.

A gentleman always protectively covers his manliness when in the proximity of.... a BEAST! Oh watch out!

I do not understand the no pee'ing on the head rule. I mean if a small gal happens to be curious about my equipment when I also happen to feel a sudden fullness, well, nothing to be done about that.


ScrapsofMe said...

When a girl says NO, she means NO and if you continue to do that 'married thing' after I said NO, expect the flashy jaws of death to clamp around your neck. With maybe a 'squirrley-shake'.
Bonnies Rule

Koobuss said...

All I have to say is I'm glad those days are over because I, Koobuss, am not very lady-like. Not even for a dog.

Love and Koobuss Kisses,

pee ess Hi Scruffy

Sunny,Scooter,Shamus&Jamie said...

Laci, all this falderal is the exact opposite of what you have taught me. Now I am soooper confused?!?!?
Oh,hi Stan. Guess you might remember me...Not sure....
Lacie always said something about lots of fish in the ocean.....
You are still cute, but a girl can take a hint....
Can't wait for you know what Lacie!

Sunny,Scooter,Shamus&Jamie said...

hayhayhay lacie. frum whut i am toldeded i the scooter man is the mos perfec date. woodn't u say so???
ok anok i did fink so
scooter dude

Joe Stains said...

This was highly educational for sure. I don't think I have learned so much in a long time. Of course I dont AGREE with even 1/3rd of them but whatever, I guess this what you get for a free classes.

Martha and Bailey said...

What an informative post! We have not really had a date - well we did go dancing with Wimsey so perhaps we have had a date!
We also went for a drive in the zoomer with Eric - not sure if that was a date cos there was two of us and only one of Eric!
We would have to make a rule about drool - being hounds - we cannot stand it when a male hound shakes his head and lands drool in our face!
It is OK when it is our own drool but we feel permission should be asked in advance for any other drool to be deposited.
love and kisses
Martha & Bailey xxx

Rocky Creek Scotties and Java said...

We think it is extremely important not to pee on us anywhere or on our food or water bowls, even if they are empty.

Lilly, Piper, Carrleigh and Java

Molly,Taffy and Monty said...

Whenever I go out I do prefer to be accompanied by my escort Taffy.
Safe in the knowledge that my honour will be well and truly protected.

Miss Molly.

Hollie and Janie said...

Such excellent advice!

Pearl said...

Oh dear... I have much to learn.

Does a lady sometimes, say... oh I don't know... pee on her momma's new christmas tree skirt?

I didn't see that in there, but it must have been an oversight.


Butchy and Snickers said...

Oh my, so much information to soak in. I'm going to write this all down, then when Mama's head is better, she can xplain stuff to me. Bentley is all nervous now, you know he has eyes for Miss Enid. He said he needs to practice up on his EAT A CAT.
Luv & Wirey Hugs,
Butchy, Angel Snickers, Ruby, Sylvester & Scuby
PS Gussie, you are such a good brudder!

Asta said...

Well Laciegiwl I am delighted someone finally has had the couwage to put these wules in pwint..I think sevewal of ouw peeing, dwooling ,not knowing what no means boys could leawn a thing ow two.
Luckily all OUW fwiends behave pawfectly!!! akk the boyz I've dated have been pawfect gentledogs!!!

Asta sighs..
it may be a while befowe I can go on a date since I now have a ummm sowt of social disease

a teaw dwips fowm Asta's eye drowning one of the fleas

smoochie kisses,ASTA

Sophie Brador said...

I would like to sign my flat brother up for a date. Also, what is Mango's secret blog? Not that I'm trying to date him or anything.


Sophie Brador said...

Lacie, I can not believe that my flat brother has been sneaking out to classes. Are you sure he even remembers being there? His brain is really tiny. I'm sure he retained no informational at all.


autumnsblogspot said...

wOw! I have a lotso learnin to do!
I can't memorize all da rulz so i come back and re-read again and again until I understand it all.

And all the bloggie comment suggestions R way too much to remember.

I figure it all out eventually!

Thanks for da lessons.

Ruv from Autumn

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